Steps

It's as if another pandemic wave came crashing into our household and overtook again my son's school year. I have two days off during the week - I took an extra one off to support him, and yesterday my daughter was home sick and so the three of us were inside pretty much all day. 

The sky was grey and it rained intermittently through the day. Clear streaks through the sky that could be cozy if things didn't seem so darn off. 

I felt my daughter's cold trying to get me too and felt lightheaded, off.  My son said he didn't feel great either. 

I tried to check things off my list. Check, check. But here we are and our life just seems so intolerable. I accept and believe and hope and then I don't. 

I panic and despair and thrash about. 

When will this end? How could I have been so short-sighted? 

I don't believe I can feel okay until my son is back in school. I know, self-care and you can't control another person and all of the things. I know and know and then I am back into a sense of utter disbelief and pain and trying to make sense of where we are. 

I want our before. I know life doesn't work this way, never has.  I know and know but then the mind goes back over it all again. 

Everything makes sense and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and then more dark clouds.  

The emotions will continue to be all over the place - how could they not otherwise? 

Just keep taking those steps forward.