Day by day

 I keep hearing take it day by day. It's so much easier said than done but it is the only way. Future worries, which mothers in particular are especially good at it seems, are just part of what a mind will do. I know we are seeing progress but there is still loads of worry and doubt to slip into like thin ice over a vast frozen lake. 

My son will express his hopelessness and it it so difficult for me to hear it. It is dark and there I go slipping into the frozen water struggling to breathe. 

And yet it's expected. How could he feel okay and positive about his future at the moment?

Anyone would feel how he does in this moment. 

I tell him all we can do is focus on small steps forward. 

I write in  my journal nearly every day and I am working out my thoughts on this as Day by Day with goals and structure.  I want to look into the future in a goal- oriented mindful manner vs from a place of anxiety panic. His process will need to unfold. I can't control it. 

I can't control anything. But as his mother I can provide guidance and expectations. 

I will do what I can to not let his dark thinking overtake everything. 

I will continue my best to take it one small day at a time. One small victory at a time and do my best to hold those close. I know those small victories are barely enough to walk across but over time and one day there will be a little bit of change. 

I have to believe in the process. I have to trust and let go of timelines. 

And, know that there will be many days of falling through that ice into dark places.  It is not total reality it's just moments in time as well that I will not allow to color the whole picture.  Just like baby steps forward, the despair and doubt are also steps along the way.

All part of the painful process.