Acceptance

The space I have been yearning for since we started this epic struggle has arrived. I am here for the experience without attachment to outcome. Our son is completely overwhelmed with anxiety about being in a new, much larger school and has very little tools to manage the experience. 

Since first grade he has been with the same group of kids. 

I have been completely consumed with his struggle and he has been very unwilling to name what is going on that is true to his experience. He has refused therapy, school counseling, and attendance meetings. 

Now, I just have to allow what is. 

Despite all efforts at setting up a routine, schedule, incentives, limit screens, etc.. He is unable to make it out the door. 

After two weeks of break, he missed Tuesday, Wednesday, and now today, Thursday.

He sat in the car crying unable to get out.

He admitted he needs help. 

He admitted he doesn't know many kids well.

We are in a hole but at least now he is admitting pieces of what is true instead of saying on repeat that the new school is better, etc.

I can't do this work for him. I can't work harder than he is. All the things I know but don't always practice.

Today I peeked into his door and said, "Maybe it's as simple as you are not ready for such a big school right now. Anxiety makes things so complicated." 

We'll see where the journey takes us.