I don't know

We are five months in this struggle.  This period of upheaval with our son. He started a new 8th grade. 

A much, much bigger school than what he has known since the 1st grade, a small cozy K-8 that I was sure no longer suited him.

It has been so painful. Such a struggle. So much anxiety. So many tears. 

He refuses therapy, tutoring, and all forms of help at the moment. Some days are better than others. 

I don't know anymore. 

We just have to ride it out and continue on with the small steps every week. 

We can only grow. 

I suppose it could get worse. 

But, we don't know. 

I have to celebrate the small wins.

We want him to open up and admit he needs help.

Last night he refused the therapy Zoom we set up at the very last minute. I was so disappointed and sad. 

It was like my very soul was riding on it. The opposite of non-attachment.

He did come in while I was in bed later and said he is feeling really stressed about school.

It is such a small thing but really it is very huge for him to admit he is struggling. 

He likes things to unfold on his own terms. He is very independent and in some ways we have to honor that side of him or nothing will work.

I want him to open up. It didn't happen in the way I imagined but he did open up a bit.

This morning he woke up relaxed and my mom sensor could tell it would be an okay morning.

Yesterday, he also went for a walk - "to clear his head." 

Baby steps.