Self-care first

 One thing that keeps calling to me is the idea of remaining a leader to my children which includes looking after their physical and mental health and enforcing values through boundaries and clear expectations. Looking after their physical health is relatively easy at the moment - sleep, bumps and bruises. This could change, but for now we are okay in this area. 

Looking after their mental well-being is proving more challenging.  My son's anxiety, depression or simply general 13 year old moodiness triggers my anxiety and concern. I lose my bearing. 

In some way I need to better manage my empathy. I am so sensitive to his moods. It's not healthy.

It's complicated - these things always are - but I feel like somehow my reactions (caretaking, worry, and vigilance) are feeding his dark moods. Whether it is conscious or not, I can sense on some level that he turns it up and down for attention and for control. 

He missed a good amount of school and that whole cycle caused so much anxiety. Now whenever he looks glum I am on high alert. 

I do believe we need to hold him responsible for going to school - sure that is baseline; but also for doing  chores and keeping up with school. 

We are definitely living the questions with this one.  My gut is unsure and tentative. This is the one thing I do know for sure though - however vague it remains; I need to be calm, confident, and non-reactive with his moods.  His moods are his moods. 

He also doesn't get a free pass when he is in a down mood.  He still needs to do his chores, eat dinner with us as a family, and respect our house rules. This is structure and it is extremely important. 

I need to learn to better tolerate my discomfort with his discomfort. 

Today in the morning I consciously didn't let my eyes linger on him for too long. He had his glum face on and I didn't want to engage it. I played music, focused on Avery and the dog. 

The task at hand is getting to school. I was prepared to leave at our agreed upon time if need be. He could bike, or not. 

He needs to learn and so do I.